Well, I hope this letter doesn’t find you.
I am writing to you for the 804th time, to draw your attention from me.
You see, my sweet nemesis, I wanted to say I loved you in every language, but I couldn’t find the words. How is it that I’m able to write the minute you left?
My favourite rival. We started from the finish line, a doomed race contingent on your moods. “We might” made me rally with all my might, even against all odds. You won when I lost myself trying to find you.
A little birdie told me that your love was locked in a castle in the sky. I stuck my head in the dark clouds and tried to find the silver lining. You sang like the rain and my mind was always overcast.
My beloved bandit. What a red-letter day it was when you kissed me out of the blue, and out from my heart flowed my rainbow blood. Your Midas touch turned me into gold and the world around me turned rosy. You kept me in the dark about your true colours.
My charming con-artist, I was a pro at ignoring your cons. I stole moments out of my day, my time, my life… and spent it all with you. I watched you gamble away every penny I gave you for your thoughts. Your million-dollar smile left me bereft of all joy.
I measured time relative to you: when you were around, my world spun dizzyingly fast on your axis and I held onto you for dear life. In your absence, the seconds crawled on all fours. I watched the sands of time slip by, grain by aching grain. I blinked, and missed you.
I had eyes only for yours. But oh, dearest foe, you looked right into my eyes and looked past me. I wish I could tell past me to treasure you while you were still a gem. They told me that heroes like you had feet of clay, but my heart was set on your heart of gold. It didn’t cross my mind that you had crossed your arms across your chest.
My terrific toxic-ologist. You swapped sweet nectar for bitter poison, and the butterflies in my stomach metamorphosed in reverse. Your rejection cocooned me from the inside out, turning the love in my gut into worms. But I couldn’t fly away because my life was caged in yours.
You built an amusement park for me, a house full of trick-mirrors and thrills. I climbed aboard your Merry-Go-Round, while you swung the Pendulum between passion and pain. There was no light at the end of your Tunnel of Love. Now I’m a roller-coaster of a human being because you took me for a ride.
My precious, my pain. I composed paeans to you with my eyes on the stars and my feet in quicksand. Everything I wrote was a roman-à-clef and you unlocked every door. (Reader, I harried him.)
What I wouldn’t give to take away this ache. If there was a way to exorcise you out of my mind, I’d call upon all the priests in the world. I’d run face-first into a wall to concuss you out of my head. I’d learn surgery just to lobotomise you out of my brain.
Alas, my adorable adversary, I know the rhythm of your heartbeat by heart. I memorised each line on your palms; I remember every freckle on your face. I recall every syllable of every word you ever spoke to me; the exact pitch of the crack in your voice when you whispered sweet nothings in my ears; the constant scream of the immeasurable silence you left in your void.
My gorgeous ghost, you broke my spirit. I long for you long after you left, for a long, long time. I grasp at the gaps between my fingers, where yours once fit, so snugly. My soul rests in pieces without you.
And now, my knight in rusted armour, you’ve embarked on a quest to chase another fair bird, leaving me victim of a murder most foul. And now my heart is breaking loud enough to shatter the world’s eardrums – yet you’re not listening. And now I feel hunted, and haunted, and unwanted.
And now I have nothing more to say about everything you put me through.
I look forward to never going back again.